Podcast dating after divorce
Audrey: Welcome to Divorce and Other Things You Can Handle, a branded podcast from Worthy. She is so compassionate, and so smart, and her view on love after divorce is that perfect balance between not wanting to settle for someone who’s not worthy of you, and also hopeful, and believing that there is love again out there for her, and super optimistic, and not getting stuck in the dark, and super unproductive places that we can so easily go to when we’ve been burned before. I dated a lot of guys, I mean, I had a new love interest like every other day in my 20s. Laura Lifshitz: I was like, “Wait a second.” You know what? I was pretty smart in that there were a few men I met in my 20s that I knew, “He’s attractive, but he’s not going to be somebody I can date.” I knew instinctively, like, “This is a bad boy,” and I didn’t get attached, which is-Audrey: Lucky. I can sit here and wish, and wish that I had made different choices, but that doesn’t do anything. not that they’re bad people at all, because I’ve been there. The white picket fence dream without the white picket fence, but you know. There are people that they are separated, and they feel like failures. ” Because they’re looking for someone else to turn to them and say, “You’re amazing,” but the fact is, even if someone turned to you, like if I said, “Hey Audrey, you’re amazing.” If you sit there and go, “Well, I don’t believe you,” it doesn’t matter. I’m this, I’m that.” You have to have it in you before you can believe it from someone else. Men suck.” I mean, I see it on the posts all the time. She’s also very relatable, and very funny, and this was such a fun interview, and we’re so excited to share it with you. In my world, if it rained men I would be gloriously happy. I had a new boyfriend every other day, and I tended to always think like … We learn when it’s our time to learn, and I learned, and I grew confident when it was my time to grow confident. Laura Lifshitz: Yes, and it’s the most cliché thing, and it’s annoying, and people used to tell me that, “Ah you need to love yourself.” I’m like, “Yeah, yeah, Oprah Winfrey. I know, and there are times where I’m like, “Uh, I don’t like the way I look. I don’t like my hair or my face.” Whatever the case is. Audrey: It’s so important to find the way to love yourself, even if it has nothing to do with the way you look. Guys are like, “Oh, she did me in for my money.”Just the people who have decided that, “You know what, I’m never going to take this risk again. I am just going to lock myself up in my own little world and keep everyone out.”Audrey: Yeah. Laura strikes the perfect balance of not wanting to settle for someone who is not Worthy of her, and enthusiastic about the possibility of finding love again. You’re teaching people how to treat you that way, right? Laura Lifshitz: Like for example, one guy he messaged me something that was very nice. Then the second thing he said to me was, “When did you get breast augmentation done? Laura Lifshitz: Because I was setting the boundary that that’s inappropriate. When we’ve been burned before it can be easy to shut down, and we know it isn’t easy to put yourself back out there after divorce. Audrey: Yeah, like you set the bar for how you deserve to be treated by the way that you treat yourself. No matter where you are in your own journey this episode is for you. They just let people walk all over them or they’re like, “I don’t want to do this, but I’m going to do this.” Or you know what?
Laura Lifshitz: Yes, it is, but I see a lot of people get caught in the cycles of those two groups, because you know, fear. They’re sitting there and saying, “I can hang out by myself and be just fine, or I could get involved with someone and end up sitting there splitting my assets again.” I understand that, I understand the fear of that. It’s not fun for me to still deal with someone who’s difficult, you know, a difficult ex. Laura Lifshitz: But at the same time, you might be missing out on something great. I just want to leave,” or, “Oh, by the way, I’m sleeping with the nanny, and we’re going to get married two months from now,” it does make it very hard for someone to cope, because they didn’t know. For me, my first date, you know, it’s funny, I think he might follow me on Facebook, actually. ” I would say, “You should go out with him,” because he was nice, right? I’ve been able to kind of like keep myself away from anyone bad because I have good judgment now because I have confidence. A friend of mine the other day said, “You know, I messaged this guy and he hasn’t gotten back to me in three days. ”Audrey: You know, this is that episode of Sex In The City that the movie He’s Just Not That Into You is based on. A guy who’s not is not going to be putting in that effort. You know, I say that because you shouldn’t chase after somebody because the reality is if somebody wants you around they’ll find a way to make it happen whether you guys are far away, whether you guys have children on different custody schedules you just make it happen, right?
You can go to worthy.com/podcast to read some of her articles that you might find interesting if you enjoy this episode. I love writing for Worthy, I think you guys are great. I am still waiting for that to happen, but the weather girls were inaccurate. For a long time I just really didn’t like great guys, honestly. Audrey: I think so many people have that experience, too. Well, one of the things I see is that unfortunately, I see this actually a little more for men than I do for women, but the divorce has really, really crushed them. I mean, I don’t know if you can ever really be happy until you believe that you deserve to be happy. So a lot of people exit the divorce feeling defeated, and that is normal. You put your whole life into somebody, and then you walk away, and you have nothing. “I’ve been burned once, and I’m not willing to risk it again.”Laura Lifshitz: Yes.
We’re going to take a quick break, and then we’ll be right back with Laura. I think the content’s really relevant, and inspiring, and positive, and that’s really … I mean, I think one of the silver linings of divorce is that you really have an opportunity to see what wasn’t right, and pursue your future with some lessons learned, and pursue things that make more sense for you. One of the problems I see, and obviously I’m female, so I have the women’s viewpoint. I think what’s so great about your point of view is that it’s so honest, and it’s so human, and that is beyond the female and male experience. I see it with women too, and I think that it’s unfortunate, because I see it as yes, a divorce was a failed marriage. You have to, because I could sit here and cry that I have no money, and I struggle, and my daughter will ask, “Why can’t we do this?
[crosstalk ]Audrey: That’s one of my favorite things to do, yeah. I sit there and I go, “Oh, you can go out with her. Laura Lifshitz: The problem is more that they’re like I’m looking for Prince Charming and then it’s like here’s my list of things. Laura Lifshitz: Or, the other big thing that I see, every time I see a guy write this I don’t contact him. Laura Lifshitz: When they say, “I don’t like drama. Audrey: All right, so with that we’re going to take a quick break and we will be right back with Laura. I don’t like somebody who’s like, “Yeah, I see them every other weekend,” unless they have a very, very, very good reason, right? I’m such a hands on mom and I have her so often that I want someone who could really relate to me. I am not a couch potato, so somebody who sits there and they’re like, “Yeah, I watch 10 different shows each week and I’m really attached to my video game controller,” would be, I would never want to go out with them.
Usually, women tend to be the ones who are guilty of that. I’ve actually been with some of my single guy friends and I’ve sat there and looked on Tinder, Bumble … Audrey: There’s different ways to get back out there. No, most likely …Audrey: If you’re bringing up drama …Laura Lifshitz: Yeah, yeah. Yeah, a deal breaker is if they want more kids I’m not doing that. Somebody that is so caring and nurturing and has time with his children.
When you’re a single mom looking for love it can be easy to feel defeated. I would have gone out with him again, only because you know what? He was smart, he could carry a conversation, and he was a dedicated father. But in any event, you could tell that even though he had been divorced longer than I was, separated longer than I was, it was like he still wasn’t on board with the idea of having an identity outside of his children. He still talked about the marriage like it happened last year. Laura Lifshitz: But most guys don’t want to hear that. Laura Lifshitz: Yes, but you’re also willing to tell people, “This is what I need and this is what I don’t need.” Right? A raise of hands for all the women listening right now. Every time you let someone slide it’s like you’re lowering yourself. You’re supposed to be the pretzel that you are and hopefully someone likes our saltiness, your sweetness, whatever it is. Laura Lifshitz: You know, if you’re a hot pretzel.